clandestine;

2012-02-07T00:08:00.003+08:00

plenty of things to update since the last post.

where do i start...

one of the first major disappointment of 2012 was not being able to maintain my ippt gold standard. instead of meeting the 9.44 timing mark i ran a miserable 10.33. it was even more embarassing because my men were asking me to be their pacer for the run, for them to get their own gold timings. the last stretch was particularly painful, it's this long straight 400m and you can see everyone cheering, shouting at you to give that extra bit but my legs were stumbling and i was heaving like someone thrice my age. it wasn't a pretty sight but it woke me up. i've been more motivated to run ever since and have been reacquainting myself to the run-til-you-want-to-vomit feeling all over again. #goodtimes

apart from that, went with the girl to get her new earphones yesterday. it struck me when i entered the shop (jaben network, for the curious audiophiles) how much things don't seem to change. i first visited jaben back in '08 when it was still a humble shop selling cheap but quality headphones/earphones. when we went in yesterday, the girl was taken aback by the sheer...nerdiness of it all. that's not necessarily a bad thing but it kinda struck a chord with me. let's be honest here, the shop isn't spruced up or well decorated unlike most brick-and-mortars, if you walked past it you'd think it was a rundown shop selling has-been goods and you probably wouldn't even go in, unless you knew what it really was. yet the business is booming. i took their namecard and they have outlets in at least 5 different countries now, from hongkong to china and even australia. someday, i want to be that successful.

people around me (especially the ns boys) are all discussing their future education and most are going to uol to read business. been questioned about my choice in studying communications and i want to put it out here for the record - i'm the one doing the hardest questioning myself. do i really want this? am i really interested in giving my all? there've been days that i simply couldn't drag myself to pen down my thoughts or even writing anything at all even though i was free, and it was through these moments where i really began to doubt myself. but again, it's always been my belief that if you're good in your field, you'll excel anywhere you go. sometimes it's good to stick to your guns, no matter what. in some circles they call this phenomenon "stubborn". or "obstinate". but fuck that, right?

haven't posted up a song here in a billion years, this is one of my personal favourites. the intro to the song is linked with the ending of "don't let it break your heart", an equally awesome song. go listen to both!

The birds they sang, at break of day.
"Start again", I hear them say.
It's so hard to just walk away.
The birds they sang, all a choir,
"Start again a little higher".
It's a spark in a sea of gray.

The sky is blue,
Dreamed that lie 'til it's true,
Then takin' back the punch I threw,
My arms turn wings,
Oh, those clumsy things
Send me up to that wonderful world
And then I'm up with the birds.

Might have to go where they don't know my name
Float all over the world just to see her again
And I won't show or fear any pain,
Even though all my armor might rust in the rain

A simple plot but I know one day
Good things are coming our way
A simple plot but I know one day
Good things are coming our way,
Oh, yeah...

2012-01-29T23:29:00.003+08:00

spent cny chu 七 with the 0701 clique. haven't seen them for the longest time and i managed to get some advice from shirlene about murdoch uni. its always been my top choice for a private uni for comms, since i've heard from many that murdoch's comms programme is one of the stellar ones - even in australia. i did consider uni buffalo but the only reason why i'd choose it is because of the social life: its very similar to poly life and probably something i'd be able to cope with easily. however, i don't want to make my uni choice based on something as superficial and unimportant as social life. that's why i'm leaning towards murdoch, ive been to the place, been to the talks, its really a serious environment there where no one really wastes their time. quick in quick out. that's why their degree programme is only 16 months - you compromise a lot of things just to get your cert in that amount of time.

so right now its between rmit professional comm., buffalo's comm or murdoch's comm dbl major with marketing. ideally i'd like to get into rmit, it's balanced between speed (2 years) and social life (based in sim). the only thing stopping me from murdoch is the location. kaplan isn't probably the place i'll meet similar minded people. so for the confused, let me lay it out here more concisely...

rmit professional comm. - 2 years. based in sim.
buffalo comm. - 3 years (can be 2.5years based on exempted modules). based in sim.
murdoch comm & marketing - 16 months. kaplan wilkie edge.

there's also the army question...if i go for buffalo or murdoch, i shouldn't have any issue heading to brunei and getting my deferment. however rmit will be tricky, need to check if i can do an official early deferment.

last but not least, still going to try for ntu and nus' mass comm. wanted to kick myself when i found out that nus actually offers a mass comm major through their arts and social sciences faculty. actually spent the last year thinking that of all the local unis only ntu had mass comm. didnt do my homework properly.

uni education, serious business.

2012-01-16T00:01:00.004+08:00

these few days have left me pretty breathless.

in them, i have found myself slowly forging my plans for the future. went for IDP on saturday and applied for several universities - g8 ones, of course. they are all part of my plan for further education - needless to say, covering all bases is of paramount importance.

perhaps the limited time i have in the civilian world has deepened this sense of urgency to succeed, and succeed fast. even if i do fail, i want to fail fast. time is not on my side and i'm finally admitting to myself that i've spent way too much time concentrating on the wrong things.

despite all this serious business going on, i did find the time to catch up with some good old television. it's been a while since i last caught a drama - fringe was the last - but this latest one, suits, really made me sit up and finish the entire thing within a few days. granted it only has one season, but i really loved the show. it was filled with witty, intelligent yet funny dialogue and most importantly it didn't stagnate. it was relevant. it's a show about lawyers, you could say it's nothing close to what i'll ever do in the future, but the content was so thought provoking i couldn't stop watching. do catch it - swear it will be worth your time.

thats all i have for this week, entering this week with nothing but my fingers crossed. hope y'all have a good month ahead!

p.s. i'm kidding with the y'all, i know no one reads this blog anymore. probably like one or two, and they're probably stalkers. hello! -waves-

2012-01-13T11:01:00.003+08:00

first thing after booking in to camp this morning

CROSSFIT:
FILTHY FIFTY

50 x pullup
50 x 20 pound wall ball
50 x knees to elbows
50 x burpees
25 x 15kg push press
50 x box jumps
50 x lunges
50 x back extensions
50 x 16kg kettlebell swing

complete for time

time taken: 57min24sec

followed by a packet of changi v nasi lemak for breakfast.

if this isn't a precedent i don't know what else is. feeling pretty killer now. we have our 2nd year ippt test this upcoming wednesday, time to get my second round of 200 bucks.

2012-01-09T14:36:00.002+08:00

post #02

hello world!

so like i said, minimally one post a week. here's the second one. unfortunately though it has only been two weeks into 2012, ive been getting terribly lazy (something to do with enjoying the holidays and all that), so here's a thought-provoking article i chanced upon for your enjoyment :)

i didnt write this, and its apparently from a letter written to Today newspaper addressing a social commentary made by its writers. good read though.

----

I AM as Rafflesian/Raffles Girls’ School (RGS)/’elite’ as they come. My father was a Raffles Institution boy; I went through Raffles Girls’ Primary School (RGPS), RGS, then Raffles Junior College, then on to the National University of Singapore, boarding at Raffles Hall. My sisters went through much the same route. My little girls are in RGPS.

I recognise the syndrome Ms Sandra Leong talks about (‘Scoring high in grades but not in values’, last Saturday). I live it, breathe it. Most of my friends are like me, graduates. Most of us live in landed property, condominiums or minimally, executive condos or five-room flats. None of us talks about making ends meet, or how we must turn down medical treatment for our aged parents because we cannot find the money.

But I will add to her essay: that those traits, that aura is not unique to RGS girls. It resonates within a social group, and its aspirants, the well educated or well endowed. I hang out with so many, I have stories by the barrel.

- My doctor friend, non-RGS and one would even say anti-RGS, was shocked when she found out how many As I got in my A levels, since I opted to do an arts degree. In her words, ‘I thought all arts people were dumb, that is why they go to arts’. Her own family boasts only doctors and lawyers – she said they would never contemplate any other profession – and by implication, all other professions are below those two.

- A church-mate who lived in a landed property in District 10 – definitely not an RGS girl, and I venture to guess, not even a graduate – once, in all sincerity and innocence, prayed for all those who had to take public transport and live in HDB flats, for God to give them strength to bear these trials.

- Another friend, also non-RGS and a non-graduate, shudders when she recounts the few months she lived in an HDB flat. And that was a five-room flat. Imagine the culture shock if she had lived in a three-room flat.

I continue to meet people who never visit hawker centres, who wonder why the poor people do not work harder to help themselves, who fret if their children do not get into the Gifted Education Programme (reserved for the top 1 per cent of nine-year-olds).

The pattern repeats itself in the next generation. When my 11-year-old had to go on a ‘race’ around Singapore, using only public transport, the teacher asked for a show of hands on how many had never taken public transport (bus and MRT) before. In a class of 30, five raised their hands. I think if the teacher had asked for those who had taken public transport fewer than 10 times in their young lives, the number would have more than doubled or tripled.

Many of us live in ivory towers. I know I did. I used to think Singapore was pretty much ‘it’ all – a fantastic meritocracy that allowed an ‘HDB child’ from a non-graduate family to make it. I boasted about our efficiency – ‘you can emerge from your plane and be out in 10 minutes’ – and so on.

It was not that I thought little of the rest of the world or other people; it was that I was so ensconced in my cocoon, I just thought little of anything outside my own zone. ‘Snow? Yes, nice.’ ‘Starvation in Ethiopia? Donate $50.’ The wonders of the world we lived in, the sufferings and joys of those who shared this earth were just academic knowledge to me, voraciously devoured for my essays or to hold intelligent conversations at dinner parties.

Then I lived in China for seven years. I looked on in amazement as the skinny tree trunk in front of my yard blossomed and bore pomegranates when spring thawed the ground. And marvelled at the lands that spread east, west, north and south of me as we drove and drove and drove, and never ended. I became friends and fans of colleagues and other Chinese nationals, whom so many Singapore friends had warned me to be wary of.

I realised it was not the world and other people who were limited in their intellect, in their determination, in their resourcefulness; it was me and my world views which were limited. I also know full well that if I had stayed in Singapore, in my cushy job, comfortable in my Bukit Timah home, I would have remained the same – self-sufficient. I had always believed that if I put my mind to it, I could achieve anything. For example, I used to look at sick people and root: ‘Fight with all your willpower, and you will recover.’ And when they did not, I’d think they had failed themselves. I, like Ms Leong, believed ‘mental dexterity equated strength of character and virtue’.

But those years in China taught me terrible lessons on loneliness. I learnt that money (an expatriate pay package) and brains (suitcases of books) did not make me happier than my maid who cycled home to her family every night in minus 20 deg C on icy roads to a dinner of rice and vegetables. The past few years, I have known devastating loss and grief so deep I woke up in the morning and wondered how the sun could still shine and people could go on with their lives.

And so perhaps I have learnt the humility I lacked. Humility about how small I am in the whole schema of things. About how helpless I truly stand, with my intellect in my hands, with my million-dollar roof over my head. To remember, in the darkest valleys of my journey, it was not Ayn Rand or other Booker list authors who lifted me, but the phone calls, the kindness of strangers, that made each day a little less bleak.

And perhaps finally, to really see other people, and understand – not deflect, nor reflect their anger and viewpoints, but see their shyness, pain, struggles, joys. Just because I was ‘fortunate enough’ to have trawled the bottom levels. And perhaps that is the antidote to the oft unwitting elitism so many of us carry with us.

Sim Soek Tien (Ms)

2012-01-02T00:10:00.002+08:00

i told myself to commit to an entry on new years eve/day but by the time i opened up the new post button - it is 2nd january and midnight has passed.

so, resolutions.

fuck resolutions.

i don't believe in them. i used to, every year, til not too long ago when i realised that it is pure and utter bullshit. the thing you're supposed to be gunning for instead of resolutions, are habits. very simple, very easy to achieve. not talking about big changes or anything, just small ones. baby steps. once a habit is cultivated, everything else will fall into place.

for 2012, i resolve to write an entry on this blog weekly. starting from this one, of course. more is good, but at the very minimum, weekly. it's going to be a challenge, especially when i'm in the army and we only get like what, 1 day off a week now (long story behind that), but i'm sure its sustainable. my writing has become rather rusty of late, the practice is lacking. recently went for another film review with the mother - it's a film based off a tvb hk triad show, and here it is for your judgement. sometimes when writing these things, i tend to forget i'm writing for an audience and instead get carried away with inserting fanciful catchphrases, crafting the overall look of the article...i should focus on meaningful content instead.

2012, be good. whatever doesn't kill me...better start running.

TURNING POINT 2: LAUGHING GOR RETURNS
by Thompson Wong

Fans of The Academy franchise and the celebrated TV series Emergency Unit (E.U.) would invariably be looking forward to Turning Point 2, which directly picks off after the events of the TV series. For the uninitiated, “Laughing Gor” (Michael Tse), a character in the show, is a legendary undercover cop with a difference - he was originally a triad member before he had joined the force. In fact, he was a senior triad member who was only revealed in later E.U. episodes to be undercover. His eventual death sparked outrageous cries among fans - attracting more than 120,000 users to his Facebook group. Even his supposed comeback in the final episode could not quell their unhappiness – hence the spin-off into his very own TV series Lives of Omission and the Turning Point films.

The film itself does not disappoint at all, capitalising on the explosive pace of its predecessors and plunging viewers into its rich plot right from the opening scene. Truth be told, I went inside the theatre without any knowledge of the TV series themselves, yet managed to appreciate the dense storyline - a thickly woven social tapestry chock-full with many thought-provoking philosophical questions. The film itself is like one of the many bullets fired from the numerous guns in the film. It hurtles relentlessly - almost at a breakneck speed - that will leave viewers little time to ponder or digest the content. This proves a double edged sword, especially for viewers that have not caught the previous instalments of the "Laughing Gor" series. The directing of Herman Yau also ensures that opinions on the plot are sharply polarised - it can be seen as convoluted, yet ambitious.

For a show titled after himself, the main man is hardly a commanding presence onscreen, sharing the limelight with other characters that raise more questions than the actual plot itself, like Carmen (Janice Man) and Officer Yeung (Jin Au-Yeung), who can be seen as simply being allocated too much screen time for their bit-part roles. On the other side of the acting scale, Tse's other co-stars constantly threaten to tip theirs in the limelight with their performances. Characters like Fok Tin Yam (Francis Ng) and Tai Chit (Chapman To) particularly deserve a nod, firmly cementing their places with incisive acting and delivery.

Despite the title, "Laughing Gor" is a film that will elicit few laughs, as it is nothing but a masterful crime thriller that at its best, rivals the grand dame of all Hong Kong crime thrillers - Infernal Affairs - and at its worst, a startlingly compelling tale which would have done better had more attention be paid to plot development. "Laughing Gor" himself isn't laughing, and with good reason too. It is well worth paying admission for a film that will challenge one's own values and beliefs and spark discussion long after the credits have scrolled - something movie buffs will surely appreciate.

2011-11-26T19:12:00.002+08:00

Her Strongest Yet
Kelly Clarkson, quite possibly the sole surviving star in American Idol history, debuts with her latest effort Stronger. Thompson Wong fills you in.

If there's anything we've learnt from Ms. Clarkson over the years, it is the fact that apart from being one of those impossibly talented singers, she can be summed up in a single word: timeless. The very first American Idol (and let's be honest, still easily the best) has also maintained her record as the most successful winner, even after the popular reality show churned out eleven different winners after her. In fact, Kelly is showing absolutely zero signs of slowing down nor star fatigue - something remarkably impressive considering that it's been nearly a decade since her burst into showbiz. In fact, reality show junkies will know that it is common knowledge that people who achieve fame through this method almost always tend to fizzle out as swiftly as their ascent - but Kelly has proven otherwise thus far. Why?

MOMENTUOUS

For the forgetful, the singer first stamped her official mark on the industry by debuting with 2003's Thankful, a tight collection featuring safe, formulaic tracks – yet anchored by glimpses of her true talent in soulful balladry (“Anytime”) and heartfelt R&B sing-alongs (“Just Missed The Train). The runaway success of her album singles then began to crank the gears of what would be one of the most defining records of the naughties: 2004's Breakaway. It is unlikely that anyone has forgotten tracks like the electrifying “Behind These Hazel Eyes” and “Since U Been Gone”, that truly steered away Kelly's association with Idol and propelled her into solid star territory. Choosing to break away (pun unintended) from the carefully crafted pop-mold of her past, the highlight of 2007's My December were the self-penned soul baring, hard hitting rock tracks that her record label publicly didn't choose to endorse – Sony BMG label head Clive Davis had openly proclaimed his lack of faith in the album's ability to succeed. Yet Kelly, as characteristically strong-willed in person as with her songs, persisted – scoring hits including “Never Again” and “Sober”. In 2009, Kelly then returned with her fourth album All I Ever Wanted. This time it was a smash hit, with radio-friendly anthems (“My Life Would Suck Without You”, “I Do Not Hook Up”) the defining sound of the album.

POWERHOUSE

Most albums are defined by several choice picks, and Kelly's latest effort is no stranger to this. For the time-strapped, Stronger can be summed up in three major moments. “Honestly”, a haunting exercise in awe-inspiring singing, led with Kelly's pitch perfect vocals, illuminates the way through a dark, chilly piano-led background. Defined by her ability to balance sheer vocal power and delicate lyrical emotion, the croons of “Could you love somebody like that?/Could you attract someone like that?” will draw shivers down your spine – simply because it is such a departure from Kelly's usual sound and more importantly, it works for the singer. There are certain songs that will cement a singer's popularity with her existing fans while simultaneously creating new ones, and “Dark Side” is one of those songs. From the ingeniously unusual toy box introduction to the signature hard hitting chorus (“Everybody’s got a dark side/Do you love me?/Will you love mine?”), the track simply has vintage Kelly written all over it, with the the signature sound of Breakaway melding perfectly with the brilliance of My December. Set above a cool stream of synthesizers, Stronger‘s title track is also easily the album’s most instantaneous, explosive anthem: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller, doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone,” Kelly howls as the song lurches into its massive, fist-pumping chorus. It is the kind of song that will unite a crowd in the concert – easy to sing, relatable, and just plain catchy. “Stronger” is Stronger‘s strongest, most empowering moment: a fitting tribute to songs that are superior both lyrically and musically.

LIVING PROOF

It is without a doubt that Stronger has proven an absolute victory, and the powerhouse singer has shown her ability to remain as flawless as she ever did 9 years ago. Kelly’s rich, melodic vocals has continued to set her apart from bit-part female singers, and placed her amongst the top singers of our time – think singers like Whitney, Celine and Mariah – sans ego. Kelly is, essentially, the non-diva diva. The tired music industry has gradually turned itself from an outlet of emotional outpouring to one that is purely focused on commercial, money-money hits that encourages more head-bopping than meaningful content. Yet Kelly has managed to set herself apart from the mass-market anthems today, holding strong and steady to the same notion of self-empowerment she has harnessed since her debut. Wholeheartedly living up to its title, Stronger is nothing but a testament to Kelly's undeniable talent in vocal mastery and musical brilliance.

2011-11-19T19:19:00.000+08:00

You're in control, is there anywhere you wanna go?
You're in control, is there anything you wanna know?
The future's for discovering
The space in which we're travelling
From the top of the first page
To the end of the last day
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are

Under the surface trying to break through
Deciphering the codes in you
I need a compass, draw me a map
I'm on the top, I can't get back

Whoa whoa

The first line on the first page
To the end of the last page
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are

You just want
Somebody listening to what you say
Oh, you just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are

Is there anybody out there who
Is lost and hurt and lonely too
Are they bleeding all your colours into one?
and if you come undone
As if you've been run through
Some catapult it fired you
You wonder if your chance will ever come
Or if you're stuck in square one

2011-11-14T01:25:00.002+08:00

Greyson Chance, Live in Singapore!
by Thompson Wong

Enchancers all over the island flocked to St. James Power Station on 13th November for Greyson Chance's first ever showcase held in Singapore. To the uninitiated, Greyson bears an uncanny resemblance to Justin Bieber, but the similarities end there. Dressed in a simple brown jacket, blue jeans, Greyson settled quickly into business with the soulful opening track "Unfriend You."

Accompanied with nothing but his signature black piano, the singer then proceeded to launch himself through love ballads fresh from his debut album release Hold On 'til the Night. With seemingly effortless grace and Adele-esque vocals, Greyson's remarkable ability with the piano was made even more evident in songs like "Home Is In Your Eyes" and "Cheyenne", where he transformed them from regular teen-pop fare to hauntingly heartfelt pleas barely disguised in the form of song. It was apparent that the audience felt exactly the same way as everyone's eardrums were completely annihilated with the non-stop shrieking every time there was a lull in between songs.

Greyson also showed a likeability and maturity that belied his age as he repeatedly struggled with a faulty microphone, reacting in a self-deprecating manner whenever it fell off its stand. "I honestly don't like this microphone," jested Greyson to laughter and even louder lovelorn cries from the females in the crowd.

The adoration from his fans was the clearest in a cover of Lady Gaga's Paparazzi, the very song that shot him to fame, when Greyson held a sustained note with nothing but sheer vocal power - driving everyone wild and cheering madly on. Ending his performance with his debut single "Waiting Outside The Lines", Greyson finally departed the stage to delirious cheers.

It might be easy to attribute Greyson's down-to-earth nature and sincerity to the relatively short time he has spent in the spotlight, but the undeniable fact is that the singer is made of real stuff, both inside and out. You'll doubt the authenticity of his love songs (given the fact that he's only 14 years old), but Greyson will ultimately manage to win you over with nothing but refreshing sincerity and a startlingly humble demeanor that is absent in too many accomplished stars these days.

2011-11-05T13:06:00.002+08:00

me knocking down a recruit

when was the last time i posted a picture up here?

this was taken during the first turnout drill for the recruits. at exactly 2.50am, all of us kicked their bunk door open and shouted at them to dress in full battle gear and fall in within 5 minutes.

sleepy-eyed, they complied but were dreadfully slow - so we punished them over and over again. marched 5km to changi beach, where they had to put on blindfolds and crawl on the sand towards the sea. they got scared and once again, we duly punished them until they were on the verge of tears. then they waded into the sea until chest level and removed the blindfolds. at that exact moment, the sunrise began to creep above the horizon.

all this simply to mark the end of their physical training phase and for them to experience a mere glimpse into the horrific deaths sustained in the sook ching massacre:

"The current site of the popular Changi Beach Park was the site of one of the most brutal killings in Singapore's history. On 20 February 1942, 66 Chinese males were lined up along the edge of the sea and shot by the military police. The beach was the first of the killing sites of the Sook Ching massacre"

interesting touch to an otherwise lackluster end of phase training.

next, BMT.

i need more batteries to survive.

2011-10-30T21:37:00.002+08:00

21st.

i feel i should dedicate a long, long post chronicling my thoughts on it, my goals, milestones, hopes, dreams, fears about it. it almost seems like an obligation.

but this blog is for penning down my thoughts in the now.

i don't feel any different, being 20 and 21. birthdays have always been mundane affairs, kind of like how you celebrate something for the sake of it, not because you truly felt a literal, momentous shift in your age. truth be told, i don't feel like i've aged past 16 - simply because in my story, life went on - not up. i've always maintained the fact that your age simply reflects your choices and actions in life, which in turn is affected by your maturity level. unfortunately, the very fact that life is moving way too quickly has also slowed down my perception of age. has it really been 21 years since i was born?

or perhaps it isn't about life moving quickly, but the days themselves. each day seems to begin and end in a blur. whole months can disappear into thin air. it's scary even trying to imagine myself being 40. have i done what i wanted to do? am i on the right track now? each day, every day, am i making a conscious effort to move a step closer to my dreams? if not, then when?

these are the questions which plague me every day.

but i am only human. there are only 24 hours in a day.

i tire.

i do not run on batteries.

still, i must strive on.

p.s. it really helps that i have a ukulele now. time spent with that instrument is like chicken soup for the soul

2011-10-27T23:19:00.000+08:00

can you say song of 2011?

Hydrogen in our veins, it cannot hold itself, my blood is boiling
And the pressure in our bodies, that echoes up above, it is exploding
And our particles that burn, it is all because they yearn for each other
And although we stick together, it seems that we are stranging one another

See it on me love
See it on me love
See it on me love
(Strangeness and Charm)

An atom to atom oh can you feel it on me love
A pattern to pattern oh can you see it on me love
Atom to atom oh what's the matter with me love

The static from your arms, it is a catalyst
You're a chemical that burns, there is nothing like this
It's the purest element, but it's so volatile
An equation heaven sent, and you'll forever inject

Feel it on me love
Feel it on me love
Feel it on me love
(Strangeness and Charm)

See it on me love
See it on me love
See it on me love
(Strangeness and Charm)

2011-10-16T20:48:00.003+08:00

so this month was pretty crazy.

haven't slept in my own bed for 3 weeks with weekend duties. i finally checked out h&m, its not bad but not exactly that stellar either. out of all the new discoveries this month i preferred the experience of wolfing down ippudo's akamaru kasaneagi ramen. that dish is unbelievable. now i have to check out marutama and santouka @ central to really decide which is the best ramen of all time in singapore.

apart from that life has been pretty crazy. i rediscovered plenty of things i'd thought i'd forgotten, and racked up a huge bill for it too. done some straight up psychedelically fun shit in camp too - some might call it cheap thrills - but i'd go mad if i were to stand still and take in all the bullshit the organization has thrown at me recently.

also found out a good haunt in singapore, i dont have the time to really explore the place but from what i can see it looks pretty good. just one hour weekly in that building really calms me down. and of course, if it is a building with a huge graffiti motif of a woman with a mustache, it cant go wrong.

been running on short sleep and weary bones of late but i hope not for much longer

2011-09-04T21:41:00.002+08:00

hands itching

i haven't replied maryann's and the dude from in2it's emails, i know i can write but i can't commit. i haven't been home on a single night on saturday for the past 4 weeks. things need to slow down for a bit.

recruits are coming in on thursday, i'll be confined for 2 weeks in camp with them while they're training. i still haven't given much thought to what kind of section commander i'll like to be. harsh? strict? talk cock? :/ i'm totally psyched to finally be able to lead a group of men, but also secretly nervous.

21st looming and i also have absolutely no clue what to do. already celebrated my 20th last year (first birthday celebration mind you!) and army is draining all my time away. its such a pity. what ever happened to huge birthday celebrations with tons of gifts and merrymaking with friends, now you're more likely to get facebook notifications than real wishes, real calls and meetups. i followed a twitter account that churns out einstein quotes and one of them went "It has become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity." how true

2011-08-21T15:34:00.002+08:00

Things I Learnt This Week

1) Don't ever wear denim shirts to bbqs. They just don't work.

2) Being high profile is only a good thing if you can handle it.

3) There are times when the only choices you have left are bad ones.

4) B-52 is a very, very delicious shot. I need more of that good stuff and less hard liquor.

5) It was nice being summer addicts for a while......

2011-08-20T10:17:00.002+08:00

song spamming again!

love olivia ong to bits.

2011-08-12T19:05:00.002+08:00

finished this at 1am last night...i'm not proud of it, but for record's sake..

By Thompson Wong
12 Aug 2011

It's hard to describe a film that essentially mashes together two wildly different movie genres together, especially when they're from the opposite side of the spectrum - the American Western element of cowboys and the science-fiction element of extraterrestrials - but that's exactly what director Jon Favreau, last known for his smash hits in the two Iron Man movies, has come up with. Well, kind of.

Given Cowboys & Alien's inherently unusual premise, you'd think that the characters in the film would be equally out of this world as well. Not so. The film wastes no time in introducing us to Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig), the classic strong and silent loner (pun unintended) who wakes up remembering nothing, with a mysterious metal bracelet shackled to his wrist. After wandering into the local town of Absolution for answers, he then chances upon rich spoilt brat Percy Dolarhyde (Paul Dano), the son of an influential cattleman Colonel Woodrow (Harrison Ford). Throw in Sheriff Taggart (Keith Carradine), who subsequently recognizes Lonergan as a wanted criminal. And of course, don't forget the beautiful damsel Ella Swanson (Olivia Wilde), who also steps in with an agenda of her own.

All these characters, though one-dimensional in nature, are thankfully well executed by their actors. Craig, with all his billowing forearms and rock-chiseled body, puts in an equally solid shift as the main hero. Ford is no slouch too, starting on the track as a potential villain - but ending up as one of the more reliable members of Craig's alien-busting team.

It is far too easy for Cowboys to descend into a campy B-grade flick once the insectoid-like aliens appear with blue-hued weaponry and all, but Favreau keeps a tight leash on the events that unfold - providing enough pace to keep the story going, yet maintaining the suspension of disbelief that accompanies such an unconventional tale. Having said that, Cowboys & Aliens doesn't manage to elevate the imagination or story potential expected of such a genre pairing - instead it ends on a somewhat bewildering note that leaves more questions than answers for its viewers. However, for those merely looking for a popcorn flick to while your time away - Cowboys does do the trick - albeit a little sloppily.

2011-08-09T00:08:00.003+08:00

too tired, too much on my mind. i'm going to close the door on this one.

need to find the right doors to open - after all, there's only so many doors you can open in 24 hours :/

anyway, been listening to alot of ellie goulding. she looks like a grown up version of luna lovegood from the harry potter books. her music, i love...very haunting and melodic and vulnerable all at once

2011-08-08T00:01:00.002+08:00

"There I was - supposed to be feeling happy that I'd get to spend a Friday night having dinner with you. Supposed to be happy about how you were opening up about your hopes and fears to me. But the only thing on my mind was the intense urge to neatly tuck away that stray fringe of yours."

2011-08-03T09:50:00.003+08:00

it's been 4 weeks, but i finally got to see the mother. she jetsetted off to europe tripping the light fantastic...conquered paris, italy, barcelona, other cities and countries i'd kill to be in but can't remember the names. there was even pompeii, i remember studying that in secondary school. her 4-6page long daily sms updates kept me going as i picture her having fun, probably the most she's ever had.

then right before she comes back, i'm off for my own overseas adventure - to pulau tekong, where we underwent a final field camp before our men, who come in as recruits in september. truth be told, the first two days were the worst, where we navigated for close to 15 hours nonstop, slept from 2 to 3am then got turned out again because of horrible night navigation skills and set off at 4am again to renavigate.

the other days passed by in a breeze, save for the last day where we had to crawl through drains filled chest high in mudwater and then continue crawling on sandy ground. it was also really nostalgic doing our summary exercise in BMTC school 4, i literally walked past my BMT company - i was doing the fitness and weapon competency stations with my buddy - while the recruits were a short distance away doing dumbbell drills and running around the tracks. it's been such a long time since i was in their shoes myself.

still, no matter what happened during field camp, i'm damn glad i managed to survive - especially the navigation component. R.I.P. to the dude who didn't make it. i hope your soul rests well in heaven...do watch over your parents, these are trying times. no parent ever deserves to send their son off to NS and get him back in a coffin.

I am my mother's only one
It's enough

I wear my garment so it shows
Now you know

Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon

I am my mother on the wall, with us all
I move in water, shore to shore
Nothing's more

Only love is all maroon
Lapping lakes like leary loons
Leaving rope burns
Reddish ruse

Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon

2011-07-23T10:31:00.003+08:00

so yesterday was our IPPT test.

it's something like a fitness conditioning test for your body - similar to the NAPFA test but with more demanding standards. as a soldier, we're required to take it regularly, but i'd only managed a silver so far.

the station that pulled me down was always the 2.4KM run. to clinch that elusive gold, you need to attain a minimum timing of 9min44secs and below. during my sergeant cadet days, i clocked 9.45 and 9.46 timings which was, needless to say, extremely frustrating.

from experience, getting a gold timing is no mean feat. you literally need to sprint from start to finish, and though the run is short, your mind and body always tend to be pushed to the limit. you always end up finishing the run feeling like you left your stomach on the floor, and your legs end up like jelly.

yesterday wasn't any different. but the circumstances surrounding it were.

never in my whole army life of taking ippt test had i had a captain running alongside me through the last 1.2km, literally shouting, encouraging and prodding me on. it was super stressful, because when i first started the run i was a little out of breath and worried i couldnt make it. but this guy, heck, he's a true role model. we shouted and screamed (albeit me with a little less vigour eheh) our way to the finish line...and out of the cohort, i managed to finished in 8th place: only the top 9 got the gold.

it was extremely touching, i don't know how to put it in words. after the run, i was heaving and panting and generally feeling like a total jelly. this dude then went to ask me "did you make it?" and when i responded i didnt know, he went to check. when he found out i made it, we both shouted and gave each other the most awesome handshake/fist bump.

this feeling, i'll never forget. i can't describe it at all, and even recounting it now i know i didnt do the experience justice. all i know is, i want to be a leader like him to my men.

superf***ng inspiring

2011-07-23T02:27:00.002+08:00

turned down the opportunity to interview jayesslee face to face for a second time....

what

was

i

thinking

SONIA

JANICE

2011-07-16T16:22:00.003+08:00

can't say i'm not enjoying sergeant life.

i'll be monologuing (if that is even a word) about my future sergeant experiences with tattooed ITE dropouts soon but in the meantime

STAY FOCUSED.

i can smell ntu communication studies not too far away, gotta get that fire back inside. i want to find my future hermione and QUICK

2011-07-01T20:49:00.003+08:00

i don't know if you realized... but i'm always kind of speechless when i'm around you. i don't know what to say, and whether its the right thing. i can't be myself, because when i see you - it's really godawfully cliche, but you literally take my breath away. not that i show it, of course. it's very frustrating because i feel i can't even concentrate on what we're talking about, relevant or irrelevant. i feel irreverent. i've never felt this way before, truth be told. we've known each other for the longest time and there was even a confession, many many years ago but then we were all young and stupid once.

all i really want to say is...

in life, there will always be a better looking girl and a more attractive guy but i only loved you.

but then again, using the l word isn't the least appropriate given i've hardly experienced it at all

2011-06-12T23:40:00.003+08:00

Things I Learnt In The Last 3 Weeks

1) Street stall vendors will stalk you over 70+km just to sell you chilled drinks and food. After that, they'll continue hunting you down over the subsequent days til you're back in camp. It's not a bad thing, but it can be pretty annoying during the times you aren't allowed to buy food. The fact that they can get past our defenses + barbed wire is also kind of funny.

2) The most useful phrase in Thai: ที่พวกเรา - Rao Tee Nai. It means "Where are we?!" We used it countless times during our navigation exercise. Although we did continue getting lost over 10km away from our objective...but that's a story for another day.

3) Thai people make the best Thai tom yum and pad thai. But you probably knew that already.

4) Don't ever complain about Singapore weather until you've been to Thailand.

i. It gets so hot at night that when you're trying to sleep, sweat drips into your ears and keeps you awake until you learn to get used to it.

ii. An average of 5-6 showers a day is very, very common.

iii. Don't bother lying on your bed in the afternoon for a nap, it'll be so warm you end up sweating less than 10 seconds into it. Yes, I actually counted.

5) Appreciate all modern toilets. Shitting in Thai jungles on the 8th day of a 9 day field camp isn't funny when you've endured it for so long.

6) No matter how tough training is, always remind yourself to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Especially if the bigger picture is filled with gorgeous paddy fields and Kodak moment sunsets.

7) Bathing naked in a room full of guys isn't that disturbing when you're really, really in need of a shower. I thought I had personal space but all that was thrown out of the window after being deprived of a proper shower for 5 days.

8) It's okay to sleep on a 45 degree angle slope.

9) It's okay to dig a hole (shellscrape) in the ground of a 45 degree angle slope after being told repeatedly that you don't need to dig a hole in foreign countries due to cultural sensitivities.

10) It's not okay when you've dug a hole in the 45 degree angle slope and shared it with a friend, only to find out at night that his snoring is unbelievably loud. And it sounds so exaggerated you actually think he's faking it but he's not. And you have to manually prod him every few minutes to stop the snoring until you fall asleep yourself.

11) I'm too kan chiong for my own good.

2011-05-15T00:16:00.003+08:00

fresh food for your ears...enjoy

2011-05-09T19:17:00.003+08:00

how did you spend mother's day? for me, we did lunch at our local shopping centre followed by some dessert - no frills, just idle chat and catching up. then we went home, watched the king's speech but we only managed an hour before we ended up taking a nap (no thanks to the weather)

as for the more personal stuff...i'm being surrounded by so much hope nowadays it's a little hard not to be intoxicated by the promise of what-ifs and what-could-bes

p.s. did you know when you delete a blackberry messenger contact, the device will prompt you if you want to "Ignore All Future Invitations From This Person"?

2011-05-08T03:25:00.000+08:00

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn't so

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And I don't even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So I'm picking up the pieces, now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again

2011-05-07T22:40:00.004+08:00

haven't been visiting this space for some time...

anyway, exercise grandslam's finally over. dug a hole in the ground again for the third time in my army life and got attacked by sandflies and mosquitoes all over. thank god i didn't shit in the jungle though. there were also some firsts, we saw a couple of wild boars (more fat than you think) and i discovered how good preserved snacks taste when you're out in the jungle without proper food.

then we reached company line at 11pm, cleaned our rifles until 3am and after all the bathing and unpacking, slept at 4.30. woke up at 6.30 to book out, slept all the way til 4pm and here i am.

as for the overall sergeant course in a whole...it's only a 32km march next tuesday, followed by 3 weeks in thai jungles (i'll be flying off the following sunday) and then we'll finally be home free.

one reason why i'm talking so much about the army (i used to hate army conversations before i enlisted) because not only has it consumed my life with 6 days a week, it has also changed me in many, many ways. part of me is embracing it, but i've become increasingly jaded in recent days and i feel the need to document the process in some tangible way so here i am.

i want to know what i'm really fighting for after so long.

last but not least...i'm really, really tired.

Remember when I caught your eye
you gave me rainbows and butterflies
we did enjoy our happiness?
when our love was over
I was such a mess

I smiled at you
and you smiled back
that's when I knew
there's no turning back
you said you loved me
and I did too
now though it's over
I still love you

you're in my mind
you're in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heartbreaker right from the start

I tried to fight it
I tried so hard
and every day
I pray to god
that you and me were meant to be

but you had another
you had a lover

And now is gone
I don't know why
I feel like crying
just want to die
I can't look at you
and you know why
no, I tried so hard
to catch your eye

2011-04-24T01:19:00.002+08:00

one of the best films i've watched in a while. it may seem very dark and thriller-ish, but the last scene is otherwise and so poignantly perfect.....

2011-04-13T16:02:00.000+08:00

Things I Learnt This Week:

1) Being in the army has made me extremely blur - I'd like to attribute this to months of menial physical work and no mentally challenging stuff, but I know it's no excuse. I've still been writing regularly and being published, and just because you're in the army doesn't mean you don't get the chance to squelch some brain juice. I intend to get rid of this problem once I stop finding excuses for it. Maybe I've not been sleeping well enough.

2) Don't overdrink. Don't overdrink. Don't overdrink

3) River crossing is all kinds of disgusting, but the process of towing yourself across the mucky goo is actually surprisingly pleasant - it's really cooling even. I'm looking forward to doing this for our 32KM Combat Skills Badge test. It'll be a Super Reprieve from the endless marching.

4) 忍

2011-04-03T19:35:00.002+08:00

i had one of the scariest dreams in a while.

we were on a date, and i remember trying hard to muster the courage to ask you to be my girlfriend. somehow i knew it wasn't meant to be, but you texted your reply in code, so i was stumped and desperately trying to figure out what you were trying to say. yes and no have different letters, and your code was simply switching one letter for another, so it was easy to figure out your answer based on the total number of letters. 3 for yes, but when i finally gave up and asked you for the code - you gave it to me and i deciphered it: it said 'no'. why the word no was coded in 3 letters remains logical only within dreams, which is why i got so confused.

it's really scary how a simple thought can manifest itself in such realism.

i need to maintain.

2011-03-26T19:05:00.002+08:00

Garage Glamorous
by Thompson Wong

Jessica Cornish, also known as Jessie J, might just be the best thing to revive the tired pop music industry yet. Do take a moment to look at the background picture of the Essex singer-songwriter. Spot anything different? That's right, folks. Unlike her British counterparts (think Leona Lewis, Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse, Adele etc.) who have mostly pleasant faces and have safe personalities the pop industry usually prefers sticking to, Jessie is the fresh exception. With her black makeup, bursting swagger and a snarl to match, Jessie brings something actually new to the table. It's been a while since we've been greeted in our faces with such a singer, and well, things look pretty exciting.

STOMP-STOMP, SHE ARRIVED

Parading an intoxicating blend of noise, grungy anthems and stormy lyrics within her music, Jessie might be the kind of girl you'd associate with the bad side of fame. You only need to look at the music video for her hit single "Do It Like A Dude" to start questioning her morals. Yet the 22-year old is no Lindsay Lohan. "I'm not a drinker, I don't smoke and I'm not going to touch drugs," Jessie proclaims.

Is her personality, like many other singers before her, merely a carefully constructed illusion? After all, despite Jessie's rough and tough appearance, not many know that the singer has a history of health problems and even suffered a minor stroke at the tender age of 18. But this isn't the surprising part.

Bouncing back by penning songs for Chris Brown and Justin Timberlake, Jessie found her big break in co-writing, of all songs, Miley Cyrus' "Party In The USA". An odd choice for a bad girl, but it certainly came good for Jessie. Even Justin Timberlake himself has announced that she is "the best singer in the world right now.", and for a songwriter who only found herself a singer in six months, it is news worth smiling about.

SOUND OF 2011

Jessie J isn't always all about female aggression though. Her debut album, Who You Are, features a variety of music that runs the gamut from pretty acoustic ballads to inspiring anthems. "Big White Room" is a case in point - a live recording complete with acoustic guitar and applause that proves Jessie doesn't even need the Auto-Tune on her edgier tracks. Price Tag, a collaboration with singer B.o.B, is another noteworthy track that works wonderfully well.

The cause célèbre for her album however, is the song "Who You Are". It's simply that kind of gem that everyone turns to for a pick-me-up whenever they feel down. "Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart / Tears don't mean you're losing / Everybody's bruising / Just be true to who you are," sings Jessie in her rawest moment yet. Songs like these serve to remind us that Auto-Tune has long overstayed its welcome in the charts and that real, emotional voices still work best.

WHO SHE IS

With her star-studded brushes with fame and songwriting, it might seem that Jessie J has been famous for some time. Not true, as many who've trodden (or attempted to, anyway) on the path of fame will tell you. The real reason why Jessie J rose from nobody to somebody was because she had won the coveted BBC's Sound of 2011 poll, which is basically a contest for new talent. It isn't a mean feat, considering her music had to appeal to 160 artistes, radio hosts and critics, while fending off other competitors from colourful backgrounds - DJs, rappers, YouTube singers and the like.

The Sound Of... poll also boasts a successful profile, with illustrious stars like 50 Cent, Keane, Mika, Corinne Bailey Rae and Ellie Goulding amongst its winning alumni. Jessie should find her future music in safe hands with her talent being so readily acknowledged, though whether she'll go all out and leverage on her bad girl persona is another issue. And speaking of bad girls, does anyone else find her name lacking that oomph that matches her aggressiveness? Jessie isn't a name that cuts it. It should be something more fear-inducing, like... Rebecca Black. But that's a story for another day, folks.

2011-03-26T17:37:00.000+08:00

original song:

2011-03-25T10:06:00.002+08:00

got a reality check this week. didn't make the cut for interim obstacle course timing - got a 5min16sec with the passing mark below 5 - and i'm supposed to stay back for remedial training tomorrow. this is the first time i've ever stayed back for any remedial training...but luckily there was some divine intervention and apparently we're allowed to book out today as usual. am determined never to subject myself to that kind of unnecessary torture again.

i recall vividly running the last 300m feeling so shitty because i was the last off the low wall, climbed three times up the low rope but slid down due to rain (because there's always something to blame) and the only thing i could see was dawn breaking on the morning sky as i heaved and panted my way to the finishing line.

might sound a little overexaggerated, but when your precious freedom is denied because of your own mistakes...it isn't a good feeling. never mess with freedom, especially when you're in the army

2011-03-20T02:02:00.001+08:00

I have learnt this
At least, by my experiment:
If one advances confidently
In the direction of his dreams,
And endeavors to live
...The life he has imagined,
He will meet with a success
Unexpected in common hours.

-Henry David Thoreau

2011-03-14T14:08:00.002+08:00

so The Four Of Us celebrated eileen's birthday a week or two ago at her orchid farm. very, very lovely place. it reminded me of malaysia, with its isolation from buildings and cement and construction. we sat down and had a couple of drinks...there was even a pool table where gary and i went at it for a few rounds. the last time i played pool was eons ago, i'd say a year at least.

it was butter factory afterwards at 12, a decision i regretted at first because i was so, so sleepy...after getting used to sleeping at 10 daily. but still it ended up being all sorts of fun. we had shots, some long island, danced repeatedly between fash and bump...it was nice. i think i haven't had that much fun in a while.

so anyway, it's back to camp in two more days and i am definitely not looking forward to it. how does that line go again? "my passion's faded, i guess i'm jaded." but still i will soldier on. ha ha see what i did there

2011-03-05T09:57:00.003+08:00

Songs to get your swag up

2011-02-26T17:57:00.000+08:00

My whole life waiting for the right time
To tell you how I feel.
Know I try to tell you that I need you.
Here I am without you.
I feel so lost but what can I do?
'Cause I know this love seems real
But I don't know how to feel.

We say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away.
Stay, stay.
'Cause all my life I felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay.

Alright, everything is alright
Since you came along
And before you
I had nowhere to run to
Nothing to hold on to
I came so close to giving it up.
And I wonder if you know
How it feels to let you go?

You say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away.
Stay, stay.
'Cause all my life I felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay.

So you change your mind
And say you're mine.
Don't leave tonight
Stay.

Say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away.
Stay, stay.
'Cause all my life I felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay.

Stay with me, stay with me,
Stay with me, stay with me,
Stay, stay, stay, stay with me.

2011-02-21T15:27:00.002+08:00

how can i call this my passion when i stumble at precisely where i am supposed to soar?

time's running out

2011-02-20T10:29:00.003+08:00

i spent my precious bookout time yesterday at the national museum of singapore for a free writing seminar organised by the national book council. actually, i was at a friend's chalet and woke up late, so i had to cab there. the cabfare i paid ended up being peanuts to what i learnt at the NMS. free lunch too, so i basically paid $11.40 for lunch.

after that it was down to movida @ st james for a showcase by the wanted, who swung by singapore. i got reacquainted with the fact that teenage girls are very, very good at earsplitting screams. still, it was worth it.

happy birthday my friend

and i shat in the jungle for the first time in my life which i swore i'd never do. once is enough, thanks

2011-02-11T21:26:00.002+08:00

most people i admire have a grand plan.

they have one long term goal, and it's usually secret (this i don't know why). then there's many short term goals which guide them along. they get distracted by peers every now and then, but in the long run they know when to get serious and down to business. after all, life is short and if you want to feel like you contributed something to this world, it's all about starting with yourself. make sure you feel you've led a satisfying, fulfilled life.

or as the saying goes, winners do what losers hate to do.

why do i sound like i'm trying to psycho myself so badly

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's with 'em

2011-02-02T00:16:00.002+08:00

2nd february. i've been working on this for a year, so i hope all comes true. crossing fingers.

been pretty busy with military life and there's nothing much to update. burlesque was more watchable than i expected, i got goosebumps during several scenes when aguilera rocked the screen with her powerhouse vocals. and she's so petite. surprises surprises

waking up at 6 tomorrow, i might as well be in camp (no i'm just kidding)

2011-01-23T02:47:00.000+08:00

now I wasn't quite born yesterday
but recent days have brought a bit of a realization to me
that my youth has been a bit of a waste to me
'cause shamefully i was too young and dumb for it to have much taste to me
but now i've learned to embrace each day
that my heart keeps pace and these bones keep wearing my face
but she's got a hold on me
she's kinda cold for me
but she's got a hold on me
she's got me hostage but

one of these days we'll show what we're made of
keep the stakes up
i'll be gone when she comes
and one of these nights we'll flee like we don't care
from her cold air
as the leaves are changing around

so here i stand, one man
one life to lead out as i bleed out
everything i've got left of this dream out
but it seems outlandish
to scan this whole planet over again when we almost made it
well i guess my passion's faded, i guess i'm jaded
'cause i've seen the inside of this machine i've been dying to be in
that's why i'm fleeing 'cause finally i am free and breathing
from all the jerking and lying lurking behind the scenes so baby girl
take my hand we don't need 'em because

2011-01-16T20:42:00.002+08:00

everyone's moaning about going back to military life tomorrow, but i can't wait :)

perhaps i've been conditioned by the army. or maybe i've been brainwashed. but i like to see it as an opportunity for me to make the best out of the time i have here to learn as much stuff as possible. get fit, get tough - marksman, grandslam, guards, whatever. bring it on.

sometimes i'm secretly scared. i know i'm not as hardcore/brave/independent as i would like to be compared to my peers, but i'm always trying. and i believe it'll matter.

stick with me...i have a good feeling about this.

Alright, already the show goes on
Alright, till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!
Alright, already the show goes on
Alright, till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!

2011-01-08T12:24:00.000+08:00

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's with 'em

We say yeah, with fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there
'Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead, forget it
Let it all disappear

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I have planned
It's out of my control

Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn't so

What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on

And I don't even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
Picking up those pieces now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again

All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

2011-01-02T09:46:00.010+08:00

in 2010,

1) i graduated from poly...with a terrible hairstyle i had just cut the week before. still, it was good times. i'm not too fond of nanyang poly, but i absolutely adore the people there. we wrecked havoc, slept our way through classes, took numerous canteen breaks during sleepy lectures, cheated our way through e-quizzes and more. of course we studied as well.

2) started freelance work as a writer. wrote for 5 publications. interviewed katy perry, plain white t's, secondhand serenade, olivia ong, sezairi sezali, joe mcelderry, JYJ, the click five and mika amongst other artistes.

3) began volunteering at spca and in the process, got into a mascot costume for the first time. also rode on a harley davidson for the first time. began to waver in my support of cats - dogs are just on a different level of beautiful.

4) got my bike license. i hold both class 3 and 2A licenses now. lost my wallet though, so i'm unable to drive nor ride.

5) travelled to hongkong for the first time. had an amazing gastronomic affair with the food. it's really legendary, as they say. the dim sum is really up there. shopping was good but a tad expensive. i will always remember the 4 of us sharing one hotel room and banning each other from using the toilet to shit. in the end us guys secretly shitted whilst the girls went down to the hotel lobby toilet. hahahaha

6) went on a volunteer missionary trip to sabah, where we taught kids basic english for 5 days. we bought kfc for them on the last night - their expressions were priceless.

7) ran the adidas sundown marathon. it was my second time participating, and we tackled the 42km again. ran 6 hours for this year's race. didnt take any photos though, so here's a pic we took during last year's race

8) had a birthday celebration for the very first time. it was a really touching affair even though the rain threatened to spoil moods. birthday cake was good, and most importantly the parents were there. they finally saw my friends - my mom always complains that she doesn't know the people i'm hanging out with. now she does.

9) enlisted into army. discovered things about myself i didn't know before. made new friends, went through shit together. here's a picture of us during field camp.

2010-12-30T11:39:00.002+08:00

i submitted this a few weeks ago for the 'defining moment' essay competition. i didn't win, so i think its okay to put it up here as a reminder of my experiences thus far.

My Defining Moment
written by Rec Thompson Wong (School 4, 2nd Coy, 2308)

TRAINING TO BE SOLDIERS, FIGHT FOR OUR LAND

When I was asked to pen down the defining moment in my BMT, I would like to confess that I did not have to think long and hard because I knew what my defining moment was immediately. Many people will point to high key events like live firing, field camps and route marches as their defining moments, but there was only one thing that truly struck a chord within myself - army songs.

I remember being introduced to "Purple Light" sometime in my second week of BMT. For the unaware, army songs are traditionally sung during route marches to lift morale and encourage troops to soldier on. Yet when I first heard the lyrics to "Purple Light", I was taken aback by the candidness of the lyrics. The song is a cheery one and speaks of army training and going back to study after reaching ORD, but the final verse speaks of death, and burying of bodies should the singer die in war.

ONCE IN A LIFE, TWO YEARS OF OUR TIME

I still remember the chill down my spine - the marrying of a light hearted tune with dark lyrics had certainly resonated deep within me at the time. My first impression of army songs was a twisted one. Then I realised it was my own perception that had to change. I had originally entered army with the notion that it would be a fun experience that would change my life. At that time, I didn't think about the reality of the situation that Singapore grapples with on a daily basis. War is real - death is real. To avoid bloodshed, diplomacy is key. But when diplomacy fails, it would be the time where us soldiers would have to step up and deter our enemies. The gravity of this implication began to steel me.

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED, WHY MUST WE SERVE

I was caught up with enjoying the army experience, without thinking about the reason I was learning all these skills - I would be employing them to defend my country when the need arises. When I began to truly understand why I was in the army, my perception of army songs changed. It isn't the song's intention to creep you out with death and war, but merely a reminder of what we are fighting for.

As my platoon learnt other songs throughout the weeks, I began to look behind the lines and participate actively in army singing. I recall vividly the night before our 12KM route march to our SITest site. It was already lights out and our bunk was pitch dark, but I saw two of my section mates scribbling down army song lyrics in their notebooks, aided with a torchlight. When I asked them why they were writing down songs, they replied that we had sung the songs we knew too many times, and it would be a refreshing change to introduce new, inspiring tunes during an especially challenging route march.

BECAUSE WE LOVE OUR LAND, AND WE WANT IT TO BE FREE, TO BE FREE

It was at that time when I realized yet another point: army songs are able to lift troop morale because of the inescapable truth that rings within the lyrics. It is especially uplifting when you've walked for a long distance bearing an elephantine weight on your back silently and someone suddenly bursts into a song you can genuinely relate to. Army songs have helped me push on numerous times when I was on the brink of falling out, whether it was due to accumulated fatigue, numerous blisters on my feet or aching toes. My defining moment in BMT has snowballed into many other defining moments, anchored with route marches and firmly etched into my mind with every step I take.

It is currently week 6 of my BMT, and there are still two more route marches before our passing out parade - a 16KM one and the final 24KM . But I go into these marches with confidence and determination, for I am aided by song and the camaraderie of my comrades. As one of my platoon commanders aptly puts it: "You don't choose your challenges. Your challenges choose you."

2010-12-25T17:53:00.003+08:00

since everyone is posting heartwarming christmassy songs for the season, here's my contribution.

i feel fucking shitty.

this christmas hasn't been a good one. falling sick on christmas eve, screwing up my chances, being in a state of constant lethargy. 2010 has been one of the best years in my life - but christmas 2010 isn't.

then again, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Silent night
Holy night
Silent night
Nothing feels right

2010-12-24T19:04:00.001+08:00

my hopes and dreams are slowly vanishing...

Things I Learnt This Week

1) Keep your mouth shut no matter what

2) no matter what

2010-12-19T11:26:00.002+08:00

death by chocolate is myth
this I know because I lived
i've been around for broken hearts and how
lay your head in my hands little girl
this is only right now

death by crying doesn't exist, though
the headaches feel a bit like it
you might explode
but you reach the end of the road
and you, little tree
i'm certain you will grow

Tears on your pillow will dry and you will learn
Just how to love again
Oh my weeping willow
Let your leaves fall and return
Oh darling the seasons are your friend

death by anger this is true
just let him go he can't hurt you
oh little girl this is such a cruel cruel world
this is the first, of a million broken hearts

Oh it won't be long you will grow strong
Up up and away

he's but a falling leaf, he's but a falling leaf, he's but a falling leaf

2010-12-18T14:45:00.005+08:00

i have so many things to do as a normal person.

i want to play my ukulele, write as much as i can, learn to whip up at least 5 dishes, backpack up mt. kinabalu, continue practicing muaythai, attain that elusive grade 8 in piano, run more marathons around the world, create mixtapes, live life hard till my jeans are worn down to white blue, see funny tv, pray more, discover more awesome music, run below 9min45sec for my 2.4km run, record an acoustic duet and play keys, take a road trip down los angeles' interstate highway, join more mission trips, get a decent haircut, master photography and the art of editing photos, watch mindblowing films, get into local university, read thought-provoking books, spend more time with my parents

and finally, to talk less and listen more

2010-12-11T17:56:00.003+08:00

am really into surf jam these days! i listen to him almost all the time.

Things I Learnt This Week

1) Sleeping in a hole you dug in the ground can be oddly satisfying. I never thought I'd be able to because I hate mud and soil, but when you're tired, you're tired.

2) Count yourself lucky that you only have minor cuts and abrasions - especially when you see thumb-size blisters, feet so soaked that the sole looks like a brain, and other unmentionable stuff on your friends.

3) If your wallet says "Bad Mother Fucker", you better start acting like one.

4) Crying is good for your health especially when you have been administered a healthy dosage of mindfucking repeatedly for what you thought was 4 days. Then 5.

5) Singapore food is all kinds of awesome.

2010-12-03T20:29:00.002+08:00

i want to contribute to mixtape masters. aside from the fact that it's an all female collective - international, may i add, it's pretty much impossible when you're away from home 5 days a week. so here's my song contribution for this week. reflective, collected...kind of like how i want to be during field camp next week.

It's been a long, long time
Since I've memorized your face
It's been four hours now
Since I've wandered through your place
And when I sleep on your couch
I feel very safe
And when you bring the blankets
I cover up my face

I do
Love you
I do
Love you

And when you play guitar
I listen to the strings buzz
The metal vibrates underneath your fingers
And when you crochet
I feel mesmerized and proud

And I would say I love you
But saying it out loud is hard
So I won't say it at all
And I won't stay very long

And words are futile devices

2010-11-27T11:59:00.001+08:00

You took the tunnel route home
You've never taken that way with me before
Did you feel the need for change?
Apologies on your fingernails
Love flickered in the city of lights,
Like good singers on radio waves

I don't need your tears
I don't want your love
I just gotta get home

And I feel like I'm breaking up, and I wanted to stay
Headlights on the hillside, don't take me this way
I don't want you to hold me, I don't want you to pray
This is bigger than us

You went where the horses cry
You've never taken that way with me before
Did you feel the need for change?
Guilt smeared across your lips
I was tired and cold from the window
You're cold, nothing has changed

I don't need your tears
I don't want your love
I just gotta get home

2010-11-27T02:55:00.003+08:00

Things I Learnt This Week

1) People adapt to changes differently. Some stone, some celebrate, some slug it out. It doesn't give you the right to judge them.

2) When you are in the army, never blindly follow instructions.

3) Imitation is the best form of flattery, especially when it comes to vocal imitation.

4) When you are back on the mainland, talk mainland. Don't talk army stuff unless you're really that excited about it.

5) Disappointments and setbacks form a huge part of your life. What matters is how you pick yourself up from it. Don't linger. Don't cry. Move on.

6) It feels good to be remembered by someone you respect and admire. Feels even better when said person praises you for your work. I miss Maryann.

7) It is emotionally possible to miss someone you have never seen before in your entire life and whom you have only heard her voice

8) An iPod is the best thing to bring in camp. It comforts, lifts you up and reminds you of a small little thing called civilization.

2010-11-26T21:52:00.002+08:00

While I was mindlessly idling my time in NS away, I had this flashback of a time back in secondary school when I was taking Literature lessons. My teacher Mrs Zahri was telling us about a popular phrase used in stories to describe lead protagonists : "Tall, dark and handsome."

She told us that phrase was popularised by many auteurs but unknown to many, the true meaning of the word 'dark' in that phrase wasn't about the skin colour of the person, but his hair colour. She then said that during those earlier times, people with fair skin were favourably looked upon.

I remembered that lesson dearly - for I was living in a time where being tanned was cool and being fair was seen as sissy.

Heh heh.

Now I have different concerns because I have singlet tanlines and it belongs to another world of digusting

2010-11-17T10:13:00.000+08:00

chuck has the best music bar none pt. 2

1:24

2010-11-16T23:07:00.002+08:00

yesssss! one of the most amazing independent publications i've ever seen.

and was totally hooked on this song before i went into NS, came back and its still good! i have to remember to bring ipod to camp, 9 days without good music is no joke

2010-11-07T04:39:00.003+08:00

Absolut Crystal.

Worldwide 800 pcs.

Only @ selected airports.

$1,000 USD

2010-11-06T12:08:00.006+08:00

I wish I had discovered this before:

Here's a completely unrelated song - I wanted to put it in the Songs when it's raining playlist, but I guess that's where selective filtering kicked in.

This song came on when I was lying with my mother on my bed this morning, talking about my entering NS. We're going to do a home cooked meal tomorrow, and I'll be doing the cooking with her. We'll buy some fish from the market. And I'll play some piano for her. Her birthday is on 15th November...exactly 7 days after I enlist.

2010-11-04T14:41:00.001+08:00

Am I an honest man and true
Have i been good to you at all
Oh I'm so tired of playing these games
We'd just be running down
The same old lines, the same old stories of
Breathless trains and, worn down glories
Houses burning, worlds that turn on their own

2010-11-03T22:57:00.004+08:00

The following exchange took place between a friend and I some days ago:

Friend: Eh you clubber siao ah
Me: No why?
Friend: Always see pics of clubbing and post clubber siao music

Need to clarify this. I really, really dislike clubbing. This dislike stems from my complete ineptitude on the dance floor - I can't dance for nuts. But the thing is, I really really like club music. House, R&B mixes, dubstep, whatever. There's something inherently sexy about good solid beats.

It's like I once said several posts before: my music taste has cycles. It's always the following:

mellow/acoustic -> R&B -> club music

I also enjoy classifying the music I get into playlists. Some go into the 'grooves' playlist, others into the 'blast on a highway' one.

Anyway, that's all I have to add. It's a little weird ending a post about music without posting any though, so here's a favourite of mine. If you love club music like I do, the good part kicks in around 1:40. You'll like it...I promise! :D

2010-11-02T12:57:00.002+08:00

The Most Important Thing They Didn't Teach You In School

Many of you will get very depressed in your 20s, and some of you will stay that way the rest of your lives.

Over the years your garage band will break up, you career dream will fall through, a girl will break your heart, you'll be unhappy with your body, you'll lose your parents, your favorite pet will die, you will endure at least one very terrible injury that requires hospitalization and breaks new boundaries for what kind of pain you thought was possible.

The reason why this will lead to depression, where it may not have done so for an equivalent person 200 years ago, is because you were raised on illogical stories where things always work out for the main character for utterly arbitrary reasons.

Han Solo can shoot straight, but none of the bad guys can--even though they train more. John McClane beats the terrorists because he has toughness and perseverance--something the bad guys lack, even though they should be equally desperate. If a guy and a girl are right for each other, they always wind up together, careers and geography and personal hang-ups be damned.

Here's the problem: these fantasies were created by adults, as a means of escape from the real world. You, however, have been watching them since you were five--for most of us these were our first impressions of how the adult world works, even if on a subconscious level. You had no context to realize they were bullshit. It sounds frivolous, but that doesn't change the fact that some of you reading this will not survive the long process of learning how different the real world is.

If it helps, try to remember that you're still one of the one percent of humanity that was born in a time and place where there is such a thing as anesthesia.

2010-11-01T22:15:00.003+08:00

Songs for a rainy day

Kick your shoes back, lie down, enjoy. This mix's for you.

2010-11-01T01:11:00.000+08:00

Dear Claire: What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don't know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will. All my love, Juliet

- claire smith-wyman, letters to juliet (2010)

2010-10-29T00:49:00.002+08:00

i decided to do an experiment a few months ago - i took off my birthdate on my facebook profile.

in an attempt to see who actually remembered, and who did not. i discovered a lot today. i had birthday texts coming in from totally unexpected people - my ex boss from prudential, for one. i'd quit for more than 3 months yet she still remembered.

meanwhile, my facebook wall remained clean from birthday wishes.

a mutual friend who had the same birthday as me, on the other hand, had birthday wishes streaming in practically every second. i guess it helped that she was quite a popular and attractive girl. but it was really ridiculous because she actually began to get flooded with wishes one day before, on 27th october! i was wondering why until a friend told me that people were just hopping on the bandwagon - if multiple people wish, it must be that person's birthday. they had no clue, even when her birthdate was posted right in her profile box, the one below your photo.

this was a really interesting experiment, i think i'll just leave my profile as it is. i wonder who will wish me next year! OK you can call me juvenile.

in other news....I LOVE MY UKELELE AND BAD MOTHER FUCKER WALLET! here's the bible verse from pulp fiction again, just for shits and giggles:

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides with the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon those with great vengeance and with furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

2010-10-27T12:00:00.003+08:00

ACOUSTIC MELLOW DAY

i still can't believe i own an ukelele now.

this was the sole reason why i wanted one in the first place:

it's so beautiful that you don't need words or lyrics. that was the holy grail of ukelele awesomeness.

this is another ukelele favourite of mine:

and now to stray away from the ukelele tracks and share a couple of acoustic favourites on the playlist currently:

if you want more, do check out kings of convenience. i absolutely love them to death. there was a time in late 2008, when i was in bangkok with some friends - that was truly the soundtrack of the summer. filled with wanderlust, roaming the easy bangkok streets, discovering record shops, buying a kings of convenience cd (although it was a fake one), saying 'kum koon kup' (thank you) to every helpful thai, and saying 'pom lak koon' (i love you) to the pretty females. laughing at 'chan ruk thur' (female version of i love you) because it sounded so darn funny. now when i listen to KOC i'm reminded of those times. those were beautiful days

2010-10-26T23:46:00.002+08:00

wanted to hit under an hour. but i'm satisfied, cos i ran my guts out and did my best.

2010-10-25T15:09:00.004+08:00

Things I Learnt This Week

1) everyone is growing up. as evidenced from the birthday celebration i had, and seeing all the familiar faces. had a chat with a friend who went up to my place to use the toilet, and we agreed time's really moving fast here. i remember the secondary school times fondly, and dreaded poly. then poly whizzed by and i made more friends, which helped made the journey so much better. now it's the end of that, and the next phase of life is NS.

2) i can still be surprised. my birthday gifts were so unexpected. there were presents from people that came with unexpected emotion, and unexpected presents as well. i really, really loved them.

3) i finally found a rihanna song that i like. she's worth the hype, after all.

4) i am too busy for my own good.

5) i cannot write regularly for 6 publications. also linked to point 4.

6) never ever run a 10km race after sleeping for barely an hour. bananas and cups of 100plus helps, thankfully.

7) i know what i'm going to name my daughters, if i have any. adelle. or kelsey. but i haven't thought of a guy name yet. this is a really old song that reminded me of the name.

8) i want to be in the PR/ADVERTISING/JOURNALISM business in the future. i believe i can make money doing what i love. (after seeing my boss' towering home office)

9) i need to take up muay thai again. when i am free in NS, if that is even possible.

10) the definition of 'closest friends' is always redefining itself. And less is always more. always

2010-10-22T12:10:00.004+08:00

i just realised my blog hit a total number of 1000 posts. and this is the 1001st.

coincidence maybe, but i had a thought yesterday.

1) i want to publish a book.

not to achieve commercial success or anything of the sort, but to be able to give these books to my friends on their birthdays. isn't it a novel (HA HA) idea?

i have to start writing first, of course.

2010-10-20T13:04:00.001+08:00

I LOVE THIS FREAKING MOVIE. totally going to rewatch

2010-10-19T10:52:00.001+08:00

The world is lazy
but you and me
we're just crazy

So when I'm with you, I have fun
Yeah when I'm with you, I have fun

The world is lazy
but you and me
We're just crazy

So when I'm with you, I have fun
Yeah when I'm with you, I have fun

Ever since I was a little girl
My mama always told me
there'd be boys like you

So when I'm with you, I have fun
Yeah when I'm with you, I have fun

I hate sleeping alone (4x)
Alone (5x)

2010-10-18T00:14:00.003+08:00

i want to watch this! but will be in army when it releases :/ kristen bell is inside but not as a main character this time. apparently she's the villain.

anyway, i was shuffling my playlist when i came across this old gem that used to be my mobile's ringtone:

super sexy. was so stoked when it came on as camilla belle hooked up with the main character in Push (an old 2009 movie). she is is smokin' hot:

2010-10-16T00:48:00.005+08:00

i've owned a dslr for more than a year, but i didn't even seriously touch it until yesterday.

to be honest, i'm not interested in photography. i like nice angles in photos, but that's about it. photography is too tedious for me. i rarely bring my dslr out. i bring my compact camera. a dslr is heavy, bulky, and if you don't even know how to use it, pretentious. i use programmed auto every time i brought it out. in the span of a year, i took it out for less than 10 times.

but yesterday, there was a new thrill as i handled the controls. i discovered aperture mode. shutter mode. i even found out my flash's intensity could be adjusted. dim flash, bright flash. i felt so sua ku. i think this should be one of my resolutions. not new year resolutions, just personal resolution. to actually make good use of this camera that i have.

2010-10-16T00:35:00.001+08:00

latest additions to playlist:

2010-10-14T00:00:00.003+08:00

http://lucandesca.blogspot.com/2009/11/man-i-was-thinking-about-unrequited.html

2010-10-11T23:20:00.002+08:00

i always have the strangest dreams.

one repeated pattern between these dreams is that they occur when i am extremely tired, and i always wake up with a sense of longing, and some kind of distorted reality.

i never dream of the people i want to dream of, or thought that i'd dream of, but i always dream of people that don't make any sense. yesterday night i had the most vivid one of this girl i met for barely 6 hours. in my dream, my mind dressed her up to be extremely attractive, and we were a couple. we did the sweetest things together, held hands, i introduced her to my friends, i felt so proud of her. when i woke up (i hate it when this happens) i went to her facebook, and only felt discontent. discontent because i don't know why. i barely know this person.

what made my brain pluck her from the obscurest parts of my memory and plant her right in my dreams, embellishing her with beautiful perfection to the point that i know she cannot possibly exist when i awake?

anyway, i tidied my room that afternoon.

2010-10-10T22:21:00.004+08:00

Comme te po'
Comme te po'
Comme te po' capì chi te vò bene
Si tu le parle 'mmiezzo americano?
Quando se fa l'ammore sotto 'a luna
Come te vene 'capa e di: "I love you!?"

did my first gig as a mascot today. eye opening, sweaty experience. shook hands with kids, patted dogs, and when i went up to the harley davidson 'war pigs' club, they told me that i was being subjected to cruelty cos i had to don a super furry and heavy suit under the blazing sun.

then after that i had a joyride on one of the harleys. i've never been on a harley, and i doubt i will ever get one in the future, but it was an eye opening experience! the engine roar and vibration like worse than a creaky SBS bus.

then when my shift was over i headed to the abandoned railway @ sunset way, 2 years since the first trip there. this time we attempted something more audacious: jump shots! if you've been to this railway, you'll know how crazy it sounds. the railway is so high up in the air and fragile that we couldn't bend our knees during jump shots.

i look like a little kid here

2010-10-08T00:29:00.001+08:00

Some of you may have noticed a sizeable consortium of your female friends posting status updates such as “I like it on the floor.” or “I like it on the desk.” on Facebook.

These statuses are for a good cause, because they’re meant to raise breast cancer awareness.

Yes, I’m being serious! You read that right! The question they are answering is “Where do you like to put your purse when you get home?” Last year, the question was “What is the colour of your underwear?”

The logic behind this is presumably as follows: Keep the men in the dark, so that they will feel excluded from the secret girls’ club, then go snooping around trying to find out what it’s all about. When they find out it’s about something completely unrelated, they’re going to respond positively, thinking perhaps “Oh golly me, how splendidly insightful these womenfolk are, I should totally learn as much as I possibly can about breast cancer now!”

There are two kinds of women who post these status updates.

The first kind of woman is simply using the meme as an excuse to post something silly and provocative to get some attention. She thinks she’s being funny, smart and oh-so-witty. This woman could be described as “The Moron.”

The second kind of woman actually thinks she’s doing something in support of Breast Cancer Awareness, and contributing somehow in her own idiosyncratic (yet herd-driven) way. This woman could be described as “The Moron.”

Oh wait, I’m sorry- there’s only one kind of woman who post these status updates.

(For the record, I’m not a chauvinist. I love women. I just have a low tolerance for morons and their stupid bullshit, regardless of race, language, gender, religion…)

PS: It IS Breast Cancer Awareness month. Ladies, get your ladies checked! Learn the proper way of doing the self-examination check and all that jazz.

- from a friend's friend's blog

true story.

2010-10-04T23:44:00.006+08:00

holy shit. i am so addicted to this song right now. it makes me want to cuddle with my loved one and fall asleep in each others arms under a warm blanket with a midnight thunderstorm raging outside

i reiterate my stand that chuck has the best music, BAR NONE

i think my music tastes have phases. its always r&b, then electro, then mellow, rinse and repeat. right now its the mellow phase - i've been listening to jay chou's fa ru xue (yes, old i know, don't sue me), and the dinner for schmucks soundtrack. and now this. if only my earphones were working :/

2010-10-02T13:19:00.003+08:00

not a bon jovi fan, but this sounds perfect when you're cruising down a highway

and i never thought a comedy movie would introduce me to the beatles, but it did:

and my favourite song in the film, which you can tell is inspired by fool on a hill, but equally delicious in its own right. there's a part in the movie where this song just goes 'do do do do' but i can't find it! :/

2010-10-01T12:50:00.007+08:00

never, ever, get angry.

according to heart surgeon and author Dr. Mehmet Oz, empathy can be an effective palliative. understanding why someone screwed you, even if you have to make it up, makes it harder to be offended. just keep embellishing until you feel better.

click the picture for a clearer view, i'm not sure why blogger refuses to display it properly

2010-09-30T14:54:00.005+08:00

Dinner for Schmucks

by Thompson Wong

The bromance genre has scored its latest hit with Dinner for Schmucks, proving the buddy genre is still well and alive.

This outrageously hilarious comedy pairs the standard mismatched duo: Barry (Steve Carell), a bumbling social outcast whose hobby involves dressing up dead mice, and Tim (Paul Rudd), a financial executive who is on the brink of moving to an office on the coveted seventh floor once he completes a final task – find and bring an eccentric person to a “dinner for winners” organised by his bosses.

Tim soon finds out that the dinner is really a contest for his colleagues to bring the biggest idiot but decides not to participate due to his art curator girlfriend Julie’s (Stephanie Szostak) chagrin. However, when he literally bumps into the beady-eyed Barry with his car, Tim is convinced that the dinner must go on.

The film then takes the viewer on an unconventional ride of laughs involving an animalistic artist (played by the brilliant Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords fame), an obsessed stalker (Lucy Punch) who manages to edge Barry in the creepiness department, and Therman (Zach Galifianakis of The Hangover), the bearded colleague of Barry’s that also serves as his nemesis.

Director Jay Roach manages to balance the commotion and emotion well, a rare art in comedy films. Carell may be a disturbing nitwit who resembles a mouse himself, but he’s good at his craft and it is the reason why he doesn’t come across as annoying while barreling a “tornado of destruction”, to borrow a line from the movie, through Tim’s life. In fact, you’ll find yourself laughing at his antics, especially his varied and wild facial expressions, which will cement themselves firmly in your mind.

Even though the movie is rated NC16, sexual humour features heavily here, which might not be appropriate for teenage audiences. Fans of Carell will also love this movie - he is the star here, putting in a solid performance that oddly manages to make you laugh at him without feeling too mean about it.

Although the ending may seem slightly contrived, Dinner for Schmucks is a clever movie that will achieve its goal of providing laughs, while anchoring the humour with an undercurrent of heartfelt emotion (which thankfully only borders on the sappy), leaving you with a warm, fuzzy feeling long after the credits roll.

---

funniest movie of 2010 so far, in my opinion. i went in expecting a boring film (what does schmuck mean anyway?) but left feeling good. a must-watch

2010-09-29T00:49:00.001+08:00

I've had enough
Of this parade
I'm thinking of
The words to say
We open up
Unfinished parts
Broken up
It's so mellow

And when I see you then i know it will be next to me
And when I need you then I know you will be there with me
I'll never leave you

Just need to get closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now

Keep waking up (waking up)
Without you here (without you here)
Another day (another day)
Another year (another year)
I seek the truth (seek the truth)
We set apart (we set apart)
Second base
A second chance (a second chance)

2010-09-27T20:33:00.002+08:00

2010-09-26T22:38:00.001+08:00

nerd herder. FOR LIFE.

SO PRETTAY

2010-09-23T18:31:00.002+08:00

i had a thought today.

wouldn't it be super if the next time your friends asked you for dinner,

and they'll ask you 'where do you want to eat?'

(because singaporeans are so indecisive, especially girls)

but never fear, you have in your possession one of the most awesome replies:

'why don't you come to my place with the gang, i'll whip up a meal'

yeah awesome.

now the only thing left to do is learn how to cook and it'll complete your awesome reply nicely.

in other news, this video is all kinds of awesome

2010-09-21T20:55:00.002+08:00

i love.

tonight's the first night, 21st september. the first night i fulfill my dream. my dream of pulling an all nighter doing nothing but writing.

looking forward to it in a very strange way.

coffee and apples, here i come!

2010-09-15T23:00:00.002+08:00

walking down the road to the mrt station 7.50am in the morning, feeling all ghetto fabulous and energized

anyway,

which is how i landed my next assignment.

"i would really like to try you out but our budget is shot to the roof for this prom issue. But i do really want to try you out. did i mention that i wanted to try you out? : )) so thank goodness you are working for love this round. how about you swing by and i buy you lunch one of these days."

sink or swim boy.

2010-09-13T23:28:00.004+08:00

i think all i really wanted was some closure. the way things are going, i don't think i will be getting it any time soon.

it's been awhile now.

n.

The act of closing or the state of being closed: closure of an incision.
Something that closes or shuts.
1. A bringing to an end; a conclusion: finally brought the project to closure.
2. A feeling of finality or resolution, especially after a traumatic experience.
The property of being mathematically closed.

all the girls i've known are crying
all the clouds have silver linings
though the days are counting backwards
i know that you have the right words

me and you
over something to do
could this be true
it all comes down to you

hey you
when i hold you in my arms you'll be finding what you're searching for
hey you
put your lips to the ground, feel the love into your arms i fall

all the girls of note are crying
all the clouds have silver linings

me and you
over something to do
could this be true
it all comes down to you

2010-09-12T01:32:00.001+08:00

10 years ago i heard this phrase almost every day:

"i want to be the very best, like no one ever was"

10 years later it's brand new advice.

Of course, you're welcomed to think that the world is a beautiful place, dotted with little, thorny shrubs of innocent beauty,rays of splendid, scorching sunshine; that we all keep bottles in our backpacks labeled "Rational thought prevails", and everyone who passes you by hands you a
note that says, "Ignorance is bliss."

Sleep on bub. One day you'll wake up.

2010-09-10T21:23:00.005+08:00

2010-09-09T22:30:00.003+08:00

today during family dinner, i argued with my mom over a small petty matter. not wanting to give in, i kept up the verbal abuse. when i finally decided to give in and reconcile, i discovered bird shit on my tee shirt.

i have never ever gotten bird shit on my tee before. smirking at those fools on television, and sympathizing with friends who have, but never myself.

makes me think

karma's a bitch

2010-09-06T23:14:00.004+08:00

"Suddenly, a cloud must have cut
A hole in my head
When I was tangled all in your words
How quick to forget, we are
With eyes unimpressed, you're sealing the conversations
And are you wondering how things could be?
Just staring at the surface
When all the walls have tendencies
But it's not your fault
When no one taught you how"

i feel like i've been living in some sort of dream for the past few days. hectic work, tired legs, exhausted mind, some wicked club session right smack in the middle of it all. it seems like life is dragging me back to a mundane, dry life again. today whilst at work, i remembered that friday will be a public holiday. i've never felt happier before. i can't wait for the long weekend. and then i think - is this what life is all about? is the life of an office drone commited to 5 day weeks, 9 hour schedules stuck in a cubicle simply to earn that money that will satisfy you for a brief day or two, maybe a week at max if you're talking about holidays? no, no it does not. i certainly do not want to be stuck in that rut we call a rat race.

i was also thinking on the concept of love and attraction, when a haruki murakami dialogue on marriage and responsibility caught my eye.

it resonated with me on so many levels i immediately felt i should post it up here. this put everything i felt into the right words - and for once i feel i'm not alone, groping in the dark and wrestling with the idea of true love. it's amazing how a piece of writing in 1996 remains so relevant 14 years later, i thought divorces were only trending in recent years.

MURAKAMI There’s something I wanted to ask you: Do you think marriage is, in a sense, kind of mutual therapy?

KAWAI Oh, definitely. That’s also why it can be so painful. If one really wants to understand one’s spouse, it isn’t enough to discuss things rationally. You have to digs well, as it were.

MURAKAMI I’ve been married 24 or 25 years, and I really feel that to be true. But until recently, I’ve felt it was something too close to me, too personal, to write about. Almost all the characters in my novels have been single. People’s parents never made an appearance. Nobody’s children ever came up. And in most cases, no one’s wife appeared either. The secondary characters were mostly friends, sometimes prostitutes and so forth. It was only in Windup Bird that I was finally able to write about a married couple.

KAWAI As a portrayal of marriage, I think it’s a brilliant work. It happens that I’m also writing
something about marriage at the moment. As I see it, it’s ridiculous to think that two people who fall in love and get married are then going to live happily ever after. People get depressed after they get married because they marry on that assumption. My belief is that you get married to suffer—to dig a well. It isn’t any fun to dig a well. So, sometimes I wonder if people should bother.

MURAKAMI That’s an important perspective.

KAWAI That’s right. If you’re going to complain about being miserable and make others miserable as well, then one option is to get divorced.

MURAKAMI Some people get married and divorced over and over, three or four times.

KAWAI Generally speaking, people like that balk at digging a well. They find it painful, so instead of digging they keep looking for new people. But usually they end up with the same sort of person.

MURAKAMI I’ve heard of people who divorce and marry someone else, but then end up remarrying the first person.

KAWAI That’s right, they’re just repeating the same pattern over and over.
In the old days, marriage was just two people cooperating. If they did that until they died, then it
was considered to have been a good marriage. These days, people want to understand one another, not simply work together. But if you want to understand one another, you have to dig a well.

MURAKAMI When I started to write Windup Bird, the image in the back of my mind was that of the couple in [Natsume] So seki’s novel Mon [1910, The Gate; tr.Mon, 1972]. In the end, the husband enters a Buddhist monastery.

KAWAI He enters a monastery, but then he comes back to her. One can’t come to understand one’s spouse simply by entering the priesthood in the conventional sense, the way So seki’s hero does. You really have to dig a well. There are plenty of cases in which a wife, for example, tries to understand her husband but ultimately decides that she simply can’t. Sometimes, after living together a long time on the assumption that she understands him, she’ll all of a sudden realize that she doesn’t. To start over and try to understand him again is very hard. In most cases, she’ll just criticize him, saying he doesn’t understand anything or concluding that all men are worthless.

MURAKAMI What really strikes me about American couples is that as long as they stay together, they’re really intimate and inseparable. Some of them hold hands wherever they go. But when they break up, it’s all over, just like that. You almost never see couples who stay together even though they don’t love each other, for the children’s sake or whatever, as in Japan.

KAWAI Also, I think many American couples have trouble believing in the reality of their relationship.

MURAKAMI What do you mean?

KAWAI They feel compelled to fawn over each other because they always have to be making sure they’re really in love. Otherwise they feel very insecure. And if they fail to confirm their love, then they break up, just like that. In Japan, to put it in a favorable light, the husband and wife somehow sympathize with one another even without needing to reassure one another. I happen to think that’s a more interesting kind of marriage.

MURAKAMI Because there are more facets to the relationship?

KAWAI That’s right. In the West, there’s always this premise of romantic love. Romantic love doesn’t last very long. If you want to sustain romantic love for any length of time, you can’t have sexual relations. In my view, it’s impossible to sustain romantic love for a long period of time while engaging in sexual relations. So if you want to maintain the marital relationship, you have to be willing to move it to a different dimension.

MURAKAMI But the sexual relationship also has a therapeutic function, right? At some point, though, you have to switch to a different type of therapy, I suppose. Is that when the well digging becomes necessary?

KAWAI Right. When you’re young, the sexual relationship is terribly important, and it’s also
therapeutic, but after a while, that’s not enough any more.

MURAKAMI And people who can’t switch to well digging at that point will try to find sex therapy elsewhere, I guess.

KAWAI That’s right, they look elsewhere and become involved in another sexual relationship. In Japan, they may have what’s known as a “live-in divorce,” where the couple are emotionally divorced but continue to live under one roof as a married couple. The other thing you often see in Japan is people who simply abandon the idea of expanding their world through relations with the opposite sex. They channel their eros into something else. Someone might become a scholar and conduct exhaustive research into a particular subject. If you direct your eros toward a woman, you’re dealing with a living human being, which raises all kinds of complications. So,
instead, you direct it toward, say, old historical documents. You wax passionate about them: “Oh, this part is worm-eaten... Now, what could this character be?” It’s much less risky.

MURAKAMI Or else you work like crazy at the office.

KAWAI That’s right. There are an awful lot of people who direct their eros to something other than aliving human being.

MURAKAMI But you can’t really say that one way is better for everyone.

KAWAI No, you can’t. In the final analysis, it’s a matter of how you yourself want to live. It may be that only a minority of people are capable of investing a great deal in marriage, I personally think it’s a terrifically interesting way to live. In fact, I can’t think of anything more interesting.
I also think that for us Japanese, marriage can offer a pathway to understanding religion.

MURAKAMI I feel that’s something I have to wrestle with myself.

KAWAI Really? It seems to me that in marriage people realize there’s no perfect answer, and that there are things and emotions that are beyond their control, and in that sense the marital relationship can open the door to religious feeling. Of course, it’s not the only way.

MURAKAMI If you enjoy researching old documents, why not, right?

KAWAI Except that the man might get all his pleasure from examining old documents, while his wife seeks a meaningful marital relationship. If you’re not careful, the results maybe be tragic. If, on the other hand, the wife lays aside her views on marriage and pours all her energy into raising the kids, or making pickles or whatever, then it’s possible for things to go along more or less on an even keel. In other words, there are any numbers of possible variations, and I don’t think it’s possible anymore to say whichis the best. But I do think it’s important for people to have a clearheaded awareness of what they’re doing.

We also have to think of others. If the husband is studying documents while the wife is getting her pleasure from taking care of the kids, then, as I said, the situation is likely to be stable. But if the wife seeks a meaningful relationship with her husband, then what he’s doing is causing her tremendous harm. My view is, you have to think about who might be hurt by what you’re
doing. Call me westernized if you will, but for me, it’s a question of individual responsibility.

Translated from “‘Monogatari’ de ningen wa nani o iyasu no ka?” in Sekal, April 1996, pp. 257-80;
abridged by about one-third. (Courtesy of lwanami Shoten)

2010-09-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

I'm going on a date tonight
To try to fall out of love with you
I know, I know this is a crime
But I don't know what else to do

My love, you're in a magazine
My love, you're doing fine, you're on TV

You pull my heart out and then you run away
From Chicago to Cleveland you leave me pain
You leave me pain

When you're lucid you're the sweetest thing
I would trade my mother to hear you sing
When you're lucid you're the sweetest thing
I would trade my mother

On the bus radio, "Fifty ways to leave your lover alone"
I laughed at the irony
But life is stupid, the irony all lost on me
It got lost on me

You challenged me to write a love song
Here it is, I think I got it wrong
I focused on the negative
The pain was too much to write and sing
Oh, it was not a nice incentive

When you're lucid you're the sweetest thing
I would trade my other to hear you sing
When you're lucid you're the sweetest thing
I would trade my mother to hear you sing

But she don't know just how far I'd go
Would I walk for a hundred miles
For an instant northern smile?

2010-08-31T19:02:00.001+08:00

I wish that when I was younger I could have met my current self. We would have sat down at a coffee shop so that I could explain life to young me in terms that only we would understand. It would have saved me a lot of hardship.

You can listen to all the sage wisdom you want, but things only make sense when you can explain them to yourself in your own words. For instance, I’ve been told for three years that Breaking Bad is the best show on television, but only after I watched it was I able to tell myself exactly why everyone was right. Other truths I know now that I can explain them: that I’m not missing any crucial information and that poker really isn’t all that fun; that heartbreaks do fade but they take about a year longer than you expect and by the time they do you really don’t care about it enough to notice; and above all else, life is simpler than you think.

I used to think that life was an intricate series of levers and pulleys, buttons and switches, Mexican standoffs and hostage negotiations. As I get older I realize that life is more Netherlands minimalist than Jackson Pollock. The problems don’t get fewer, and in fact they grow in number, but the way I index them in the database is different. More problems get filed under fewer category headers.

Things are getting simpler, and it’s making life better. Here’s the cheat sheet:

People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear. We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures; if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other. We just want love. In any and every form.

See? It’s simple. :)

2010-08-25T20:07:00.001+08:00

this is quite possibly the only song by justin bieber that i dig.

You totally hate Justin Bieber, right, because you're a rebel, or whatever? That's just because you haven't listened to Bieber slowed down 800 percent. Now his new single "U Smile" is a 30-minute epic. And it sounds awesome. No, really.

Holy crap. Sounds like the kind of score youd hear during a movie when you just got to the amazing nature money shot with the huge, beautiful forested area, and thousands of white cranes flying away, and the rumble of dozens of elephants stampeding through.

- Altima Neo

it's time. it's time to Ascend.

- freakish thunder

just imagine if something like this was used in inception

- Waveblade

this has literally changed my perspective on everything i've ever thought i knew.

- npatel

I can't stop laughing. It's part the absurdity of slowing down Justin Bieber into this hugely atmospheric and beautiful song but also being straight up emotionally overwhelmed.

-crapmonger29

2010-08-24T22:45:00.001+08:00

wrote this piece shortly after losing my wallet. the theme was:

- empty spaces and how we fill them

- loss and suffering

the cycle of loss.

When you were nothing but a wide-eyed child exploring the world, knowing nothing of the despairing life that would seep into you once your age no longer ended with a –teen suffix, feeling carefree, leading everyone on your string because it was all that mattered to yourself – did it ever occur to you that one day this illusion would be shattered? At that point of time, you most certainly would not. Why would you? The world revolved around you, and anything else that occurred was simply a byproduct of your imagination, and of course maybe a little of that stuff people called adults.

When you lose something precious to you, that’s when it hits you hard. It should be something you’ve never imagined losing before, be it something tangible or otherwise. Let’s talk about wallets, for example. You’ve got maybe one, two bucks in there. Who are we kidding? You’re less than 10 years old. We wouldn’t expect more than a tenner inside, at any rate. No, the preciousness of the wallet lies not within the greens that reside comfortably inside. It’s the bond you have with something that’s been with you for a long time. Say, let’s call your wallet Bomberman – because it has Bomberman motifs laced on it. It looks cheap. It probably is, but you love it. Bomberman has been with you for slightly over three years now.

It has your child concession train pass inside. A picture of your cocker spaniel - her name is Waffles. Attached to the coin zipper is a keychain with a miniature crab figurine attached to it. “Krabi Island, Thailand”, it reads. The font is engaging, fun. Your mom gave it to you as a souvenir when she returned with your dad. You didn’t go, because you hate beaches, and the sun, and why would you be forced to experience something you didn’t like? There are a few coins inside the coin pocket.

Today, you’re having ice cream cones with your best friend Kenny at Happy World near your place. Happy World is the neighborhood playground all kids flock to. So do you, but not for the kids. You just…enjoy being there. Playing and running with them.

You’re wearing a pair of hand-me-down shorts and a Twilight tee shirt, and both are a little on the baggy side. You recall your parents saying something about ‘economic depression’ and how you’d not be able to get any more new clothes for the next few months. Not that it matters, because there are far more enjoyable activities than worrying about the clothes you wear. Stuffed in your pockets is Bomberman and a set of your house keys.

You sit down with Kenny at Happy World. You can’t remember what you were talking about, because it was not important. What was important was what happened afterward. Standing up, remembering you were late for dinner back at Wonderland, running quickly back as fast as your legs could take you, reaching Wonderland and discovering…Bomberman is missing.

You must have left it at Happy World. Of course you run back. You don’t find it. Vaguely you hear your parents consoling you in soothing voices, saying stuff like “Sweetie, don’t worry, you’ll find it somewhere” and then whispering to each other stuff like “Who would actually steal a ten year old’s wallet?” and exchanging glances with each other. You know you are not supposed to hear this, because it isn’t what you expected to hear from your parents. “There’s no money in there too.”

You know better. Who cares about money when Bomberman is gone forever?

It is at this point where something in you shatters.

Some call it ‘childlike innocence’.

You realize, somehow, that your parents don’t seem as concerned about your loss. You realize, that if you ever found a wallet – whether it was in Happy World, or somewhere else that you haven’t thought of yet – you would never return it. Even if you didn’t know what to do with it. Because you knew, someday, you would find the person that stole Bomberman. Because one day, he would lose his own precious wallet. And it would be there for your taking.

The cycle of loss is a vicious cycle.

2010-08-23T20:32:00.003+08:00

my dream bike, ducati monster 696

i thought sport bikes were my calling, but naked bikes ooze part sex appeal and part economy. perfect. and this baby isn't exactly your normal naked bike as well.